


Comforting

by ecaracap



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 00:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15717882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecaracap/pseuds/ecaracap
Summary: Evan is pretty good at comforting Connor. Connor, however, is less so.





	Comforting

Evan is really good at comforting Connor when he’s upset. Connor, on the other hand, is not quite so stellar. Whenever Connor is feeling angry or upset, Evan seems to know exactly what to do and say to make him feel better. 

... 

Like that time Connor stormed out of English class because the teacher told him just to  _ focus _ more and maybe then he would get better grades. That if he applied himself just a little bit, he could go to any college he wanted. That if he was just smarter, he wouldn’t be quite so fucked up as he is now. Okay, so maybe he exaggerated slightly, but the end result was the same: Connor storming out of English class. 

Evan is not a stormer, he does not  _ storm _ out of anywhere. But he dutifully texted his boyfriend telling him to wait outside in his car. When Evan found his way out there after class, he slid into the passenger seat silently. Connor’s hands and forehead were red, having been pounding the steering wheel with both. 

“You shouldn’t do that to yourself,” Evan says quietly, pushing Connor’s shoulder up gently. 

“I don’t give a fuck,” Connor shouts, punctuating each word with a slam of his hands on the wheel. Evan flinches reflexively, but only at the noise - he know Connor won’t hurt him. 

“I know...you’re upset,” Evan tries again gently, “It was...an upsetting thing for Mrs. Carr to say to you. Way out of line.”

“You think?” Connor snips, “She’s right, though, isn’t she? I’m just a fuck up. Probably not going to graduate. And how far to high school dropouts go in life, hmm?” He stops just short of the usual suicidal shit his brain would conjure up, but he’s still working himself up into a frenzy.

“Shh, hey, that’s not true,” Evan reaches out a hand, running a hand down Connor’s back slowly. “Your grades are great now, right?”

“They’re...B’s and C’s,” Connor shrugs, cracking his neck, “Except for the D in English.”

Evan winces slightly at that fact, “Well, we can work on that together. Getting some work in, studying together. You like studying with me, right?”

Connor concedes a nod, “I understand it when  _ you _ teach it.”

“Thanks,” he says, a little more brightly, “It’s going to be hard. But you...can’t give her the satisfaction, right? You have to prove her wrong. She doesn’t get to tell you who you are.”

“Yeah,” Connor nods, but now it’s in his rebellious teenage way, “Yeah, fuck her, she doesn’t get to tell me I don’t focus. I focus a whole hell of a lot more than she does.”

“Exactly!” Evan says, proudly, patting Connor’s arm, “Let’s go...fuck her.” Although he winces deeply, embarrassed, “No, not like...not--”

But Connor is already bursting out laughing, all the anger and tension melting from his shoulders, “Oh my god, you’re such a fucking perv.”

“Connor,” he says, embarrassed, “I didn’t mean--”

“I know, I know. It’s still funny.” 

And that was it. Connor felt better and started doing better in English class, though he continued to sulk in the back of the classroom, scribbling on his notebook, picking at his nails, and mumbling curse words whenever the teacher looked at him the wrong way.

…

This time, however, Evan was the one freaking out and Connor was the one royally screwing up. It was a simply thing, really. A stupid thing. Evan had accidentally knocked over a glass of Kool-Aid onto his floor, onto his bookshelf, onto his books on the bottom. The books on the bottom shelf were old, small, and precious.

“Shit,” Evan said, a rare curse word escaping his lips, “Oh my god.” He tumbled to the ground, crawling over to the shelf. “Oh, no, no, no--” He picked up a book,  _ P.J. Funny Bunny Camps Out, _ staring at it as if his life was suddenly covered in Kool-Aid.

“What happened?” Connor says, peeking over Evan’s bed, “Aw, your book…”

Evan starts to breath shakily, cradling the damp book in his hands like it is a baby bird. 

“I’ll...I’ll get some paper towels,” Connor scurries off the bed, assuming Evan is upset about the mess. Evan likes things clean and tidy, so the mess must be driving him crazy. 

Connor comes back with the whole role because he has no idea how many it takes to clean books up. He kneels down on the floor next to Evan. “Here. This will help.” He takes off a few and starts to blot the floor.

But Evan is frozen, staring at the book, making soft, whining noises. “Evan?” Connor asks, “It’s just...it’ll be okay. We can fix the book.” He takes the children’s book out of the other boy’s hand, flipping through the damp, red pages. “It’s, um-- it’s not great. 

“M-m-my dad,” Evan stutters, his eyes staying on the book in Connor’s hands, “H-he read it to me. I used to...think that I’d keep it? Just in case...in case he…” The implication hangs heavy in the air.  _ In case he comes back _ . 

“Shit, I’m-- that sucks,” Connor says, wincing, handing the book back to Evan. 

“It’s stupid,” the other boy chides himself, “Of course, it’s-- it’s so stupid. He’s not...he’s never coming back.”

“Well,” Connor begins, the sympathetic part of his brain trying to convince Evan that sure, he might come back. But they both know that’s not true. “Um...yeah, he’s probably not.”

“I know, I just...I know,” Evan says, placing the book carefully on the floor, running his hands through his hair. “It’s stupid. It’s so stupid. I’m so-- so stupid.”

“Your not stupid,” Connor says. He pulls Evan into an awkward hug - the angles are wrong, his bony elbows crushing Evan’s ribs, his own knees twisting painfully. He can’t even get a hug right.

“C’mere,” Connor says, pulling away to help Evan up to the bed, laying him down. Connor crawls into bed facing him. “We can get you another copy? Or we can...try to clean it?”

“Yeah,” Evan says tightly, “It’ll just be different. Or red.”

“I guess so, yeah. But it’s the book that counts, right?” He knows Evan always tries to get him to answer positive questions. That makes him feel better. 

“It was...my dad…” Evan curls up into Connor’s embrace, “He gave it to me…”

Connor nods. Of course they couldn’t just replace it. And now it’s ruined. “I know,” is all Connor can say. He wraps Evan up in his arms, tangling up their arms and he decides it’s best if they just stay like this for awhile...before Connor makes him feel even worse.

Connor scratches up and down his boyfriend’s back gently, lazily, as he nods off a bit. He’s sure he’s fallen asleep for awhile when he’s suddenly jostled awake.

“Sorry,” Evan sniffs. He turns over to lay on his back, Connor shifting to rest his head on the other boy’s shoulder. “My arm was falling asleep.”

“Don’t be,” Connor says, entangling himself in Evan again, finding his own comfort there. After a few moments of watching Evan’s chest rise and fall, evenly now, he speaks up, “I’m sorry I’m so...shitty. At making you feel better.”

Evan actually stifles out a laugh, “You’re not-- you make me feel better.”

“But your book is still ruined. And...we don’t have any way to make it better,” Connor points out. 

“That’s not your fault,” Evan reminds him, “It was my fault, actually…” 

“It was just an accident,” he says quickly, dismissively, wincing again at the thought that he might be dismissing Evan’s feelings. “I just...wanted to make it better for you.”

Evan looks down at Connor, some brown strands stuck to his face, as Connor’s hair spills all over his shoulder. “You do make me feel better. You helped me clean up, you helped me into bed, and you held me here for…” he quickly checks the clock - 8:49, “Two hours, wow.”

Connor quickly glances at the clock as well. “How many other people would you do that for?” Evan asks.

“None,” Connor says honestly, “I kind of hate everyone else.”

Evan snorts at the slight hyperbole - only slight, “Right. So...I know comforting other people is like...new for both of us. But consider me comforted. At ease, soldier.”

Connor can’t help but snort a laugh at that, shaking his head, “You’re so stupid.” He lifts his head a bit to kiss the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth, pleasantly surprised at his new found comforting ability.


End file.
